Tag Archives: Homeschooling

8 Things I Wish I’d Known When We Started Homeschooling

homeschooling

When we started homeschooling seven years ago, the only other homeschoolers I knew lived five thousand miles away.

My instinct had told me that public school was the wrong environment for my son (who at four years old was already known as ‘the naughtiest boy in the class’) and my intense daughter (six), who needed much more downtime than a busy school + extracurriculars schedule could provide.

I knew nothing of his twice-exceptionality or her giftedness, so even after  we met other local homeschoolers, I felt out of my depth and many times wondered what I was doing wrong.

To help matters, my kids’ grandparents were vehemently opposed to my decision and even my husband thought I was crazy. I was riddled with anxiety and second-guessed myself at every turn.

Here’s what I wish I’d known back then when we first started homeschooling …

1. Homeschooling works!

Oh how I wish I could time-travel my younger self forward to today and show her how well homeschooling’s working out for us.

I’d show the younger me my daughter (now 13) happily composing songs with friends, figuring out maths problems for fun, looking forward to taking her first GCSE (physics) in a few months, and speaking fluent Spanish.

My younger self would be so happy to see that Cordie has more passions than ever, but also has time to sit and listen to music, to hang out with friends, to draw, and to recharge  by sleeping till her teenage brain feels ready to wake up.

The younger me would also love to see how Jasper (12) is learning to take care of his needs so that he’s not triggered in everyday situations – and that he’s never thought of himself as naughty.

I’d show her how his dysgraphia and dyslexia don’t hold him back at all, as he speedily touch-types the magical stories he dreams up and makes his way through dozens of audiobooks each month.

2. Be confident about your choice

Shortly after I removed my son from school I bumped into a school-mum acquaintance. ‘Where’s Jasper been lately?’ she asked. ‘ I’ve decided to homeschool him ,’ I mumbled.

I had to repeat myself four times before the woman could understand my reply! I was so unsure – ashamed? – of my radical decision, I couldn’t bring myself to say the words  out loud.

A few months later on my daughter’s last day at school, I happened to be standing outside her classroom before lessons began . I saw the teacher write a puzzle on the whiteboard and Cordie – oblivious to the other children still chattering away – eagerly copying it down and getting to work.  Panic seized me. How was I going to provide the intellectual stimulation my bright child was evidently getting here, all day long? (I managed. ;))

As for my kids’ grandparents, who all but staged an intervention when they heard I’d removed my son from school … I did what I could to gently reassure them, and remembered the advice of every homeschooler I knew who assured me that my family would come around. They did.

3. Relax while you de-school

I knew how important it is to allow a period of ‘de-schooling’ after kids leave public school (a month for every term they attended, is one guideline). The idea is for everyone to recover from the stress of school and to let go of the rigid public school mindset.

De-schooling is probably even more important for the homeschooling parent than the child. We need to let go of our ideas of what school should look like (writing in workbooks from 9-3.30) and spend time quietly noticing what our children enjoy doing and how much they learn naturally.

While I did allow us a de-schooling period, if I had my time again I’d relax and enjoy it wa-a-ay more, and not have a panic attack every time a friend mentioned what her kids were learning at school.

You just can’t compare homeschooling with public school on a day to day – or even a year by year – basis. Your kids aren’t going to learn the very same material in exactly the same way they would have at school. That’s the point!

4. They’ll have plenty of friends. Or just one. And that’s okay

I’m lucky enough to have one highly extroverted child and one who is very introverted.

Why lucky? Firstly, I’m not sure where we’d find the time to meet the needs of two children as busy and social as my extrovert. But more importantly, I know that each of my kids has had the same opportunities to make friends and get involved with social activities, so I don’t blame myself for the fact that my son has just one close friend whom he meets every few weeks. I don’t even see it as a bad thing.

I know that Jasper’s happiest at home, mixing with family and his beloved pets. He gets on fine ( mostly ) at his couple of extracurricular classes, and he gets plenty of exercise flipping on our trampoline and walking the dogs.

In our extrovert-centric western society, it’s easy to panic about the S( ocialisation ) word when you start homeschooling. Don’t. Follow your child’s lead, and they – and you – will be happy.

5. You’re the expert on your child

When we’ve been to public school ourselves, it’s scary to question the system.

‘Everyone’ goes to school. Surely it must be the best path for our kids?

Not necessarily. Not when you consider that schools have been around for a tiny fraction of human history, and were designed to meet the needs of the industrial revolution (childcare, which in turned produced the next generation of compliant workers).

Teachers – even the good ones – have to work within a system that was designed over a century ago to meet the needs of the average student.

Parents raising kids at the edges of the bell curve need to trust that we know our child’s needs best.

Of course I’m not saying don’t consult professionals. We’ve seen some excellent ones over the years (and some less good ones). But when it comes to how your child learns and thrives, you’re the one who’s had thousands of hours of experience. Not the local school, not your teacher neighbour, and not your mother-in-law.

6. Don’t be afraid to mix and match homeschooling styles

The first home education book I read was written by unschooling pioneer, John Holt. Then, being the intense type I am, I set about reading everything else I could get my hands on.

Soon my head was spinning as I discovered classical homeschooling, Charlotte Mason, project-based homeschooling, and Brave Writer (to name just a few). Each philosophy has online communities buzzing with devoted fans who, despite their extremely good intentions, tap right into our insecurities and make us feel like we’re letting our children down if we don’t follow their methods to the letter.

There’s nothing wrong with learning about the different styles and trying out activities that appeal to you. Our own ‘us-schooling’ style combines aspects of several different homeschooling philosophies. Just remember that the single most important factor in successful homeschooling is the parent-child relationship. Don’t put that in jeopardy by forcing them to follow a homeschooling methodology they hate, no matter how well it works for the family you read about online.

7. Homeschooling is not a panacea

I confess, I used to hear about issues other people were having with their kids and secretly think, ‘That would never happen to us, because we homeschool.’

I should have known better, given all the judgement and misunderstanding my 2e son faces from people who have no idea how he experiences the world.

Without going into details,  I now realise that even homeschoolers experience bumps in the road every now and then, especially as children get older. Navigating these bumps has humbled me and given me a new level of empathy and compassion for other families.

I’ve also been grateful, during the tough moments, for the flexibility and family time homeschooling provides when life does get stressful.

8. ‘This too shall pass’

Minecraft? Nail art? Phineas and Ferb? Creepy crawlies? When intense kids get into something, they really get into it. No half measures.

As a homeschooling parent responsible their development and education, you see your child gripped by their latest fad passion and wonder if they’re ever going to broaden their horizons. Funnily enough we get especially anxious about the less academic obsessions.

I only really got this recently, when my daughter switched her intense focus from gymnastics to music. As we pushed aside the foam mats to make room for amplifiers and guitars, I desperately wanted to go back and reassure my younger self who wished fervently for her tall and strong (but unbendy) daughter to find a passion she was better suited to.

One thing I’ve realised throughout all my kids’ passions, though, is to trust that – even when my daughter spent six months watching Disney Channel sitcoms in every spare moment –  they’re learning what they need to learn .

Sometimes the best character training comes from the unlikeliest activities.

homeschooling

More about homeschooling

Navigating By Joy – My homeschooling blog, filled with fun educational activities and our homeschooling story over the last seven years.

5 Reasons I’m Glad My Sensitive, Intense Kids Aren’t Going Back To School Next Week

The 5 Best Homeschooling Decisions We’ve Made

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Do you homeschool? What do you wish you’d known when your kids first left school?

If you’re considering homeschooling, what are you most anxious about?

I’d love to hear from you!

To subscribe to my regular posts about life in an intense and sensitive family, leave your email in the Follow By Email box below. You can also follow Laugh Love Learn on Facebook.

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To read more posts about transitioning between public school and homeschool, visit these great GHF bloggers.

Gifted Children - Transitioning Between Public School & Homeschool - 8 Things I wish I'd Known When We Started Homeschooling - Laugh Love Learn

3 Reasons Homeschooling Kids With Overexcitabilities Can Stop Being Fun – And How to Fix It

Homeschooling kids with overexcitabilities

When I saw the subject of today’s GHF blog hop, ‘When homeschooling your gifted child becomes a drag – Your top tips’, my first reaction was, ’A drag? Homeschooling’s never a drag – I love homeschooling!’

Does that mean I’m some kind of saint with infinite patience who jumped at the chance to put my career on hold while I teach my kids arithmetic and grammar?

Ha ha. I think not.

No. For me,

Homeschooling’s like flying a plane – a constant exercise in course-correction.

About 2% of the time we’re smoothly headed towards our destination (happy, educated kids). The other 98% of the time I’m looking at where we’re at and thinking how I can change things to get us back on track.

When homeschooling starts becoming a drag, it’s usually for one of three reasons: anxiety,  boredom, or a clash in learning styles.

1. ‘He’s not learning enough!’

Every homeschooling mum worries that she’s failing her kids in some way.

And when you’re a rainforest-minded mum of highly able children, this anxiety sometimes goes into overdrive.

Our kids’ education is our job, and just as with any project we undertake, we want to do it to the best of our ability. How do we know we’re doing a job well? We see results.

But how do you measure results when you’re homeschooling kids with overexcitabilities? This tendency to measure our self-worth in this way can put intense pressure on our kids and on us.

When we hear about someone else’s son reading 500 books in a year and our 9-year-old can barely read Diary of a Wimpy Kid, we feel like a failure.

We see a friend’s daughter crocheting hats for her own Etsy shop, and we wonder why our kids aren’t crafting entrepreneurs.

When someone on a forum mentions that her 8 year old is studying trigonometry, we despair that our 10-year-old will ever master long multiplication.

Tips for getting over homeschooling anxiety

1. Remember: we can’t measure learning by physical output. Our kids aren’t machines. They’re living, breathing young people, busy forming neural pathways they’ll use to contribute to the world in their own unique ways.

2. Trust that your child is learning everything he needs to right now. We can’t force learning to happen. If we try, our efforts are bound to backfire. Our job is to offer our children the opportunity to learn.

3. Don’t compare your child to others. Focus on his strengths. So what if your dysgraphic 11-year-old’s handwriting is worse than his 6-year-old cousin’s? Focus on his fantastic maths. All-rounders are overrated.

4. Don’t let any subject become a battlefield. Put it on hold it for a while or encourage your child to do the minimum he can tolerate. If he feels the need to learn it later, he will.

I know one mum who gave up teaching her 11-year-old daughter maths because the arguments over it were ruining their relationship. Four years later her daughter decided she wanted to pass maths GCSE (the exams English schoolchildren sit at 16). After a few months’ intense study, she passed the exam comfortably.

5. My biggest tip for soothing anxiety about your child’s learning is to have your own interests. Take up an instrument, learn a language or craft, or write a blog – anything you have more direct control over than your child’s learning.

Don’t equate your success as a human being with your child’s academic progress.

2. ‘This is so BORING!’

Gifted and 2e kids often have a high need for stimulation and a low boredom threshold. And if they’re anything like my kids, they won’t hold back from telling you when something isn’t working for them.

Tips for keeping homeschooling interesting

1. Ditch the curriculum. My kids’ need for variety is one reason we’ve never followed a curriculum. Fortunately I love researching fun new ways for my kids to learn. (See resources below for links to my homeschooling posts on how we learn maths and science without curricula.)

2. Take regular time off. Our term time routine is based around my daughter’s activities, but we never do the same thing for more than a few weeks at a time. This is partly because I plan regular breaks during school terms, especially in winter.

Last week, for instance, we spent four days at a forest holiday village. We spent our days sliding down rapids and traversing treetop courses. Our evenings were spent sitting around the log fire playing cards or watching movies together.

homeschooling kids with overexcitabilities - luggage to go on vacation
We may be the only family that takes 2 guitars and an amp to CenterParcs

And in March we’re headed to Spain where my daughter’s doing  an intensive Spanish course and my son and I will absorb the Spanish sunshine and culture.

Before we go away I sometimes feel anxious about my kids missing out on academic work. But when we get back relaxed and energised, I know it was worth it. Plus, of course, they’ve learned heaps while we’re away.

Even if you can’t go on vacation, you can still benefit from this tip by declaring a games, projects, cooking, literature, art & craft, or nature week – whatever appeals to your family.

3. Be sure to include plenty of variety and fun as part of your regular routine.  Our favourite way of doing this is by playing writing games (usually over tea and cake) and doing plenty of hands-on activities.

4. Allow time for tangents. Another reason we don’t follow curricula is my kids’ tendency to go off on tangents. No curriculum means no pressure to get through a bunch of material. This leaves plenty of time for the kind of learning that’s going to stick with my children long after the books are closed – the kind that follows from their own curiosity and imagination.

3. ‘Why can’t he just keep still and focus? It’s driving me mad!’

‘Straight after lunch he sat down at the table and worked quietly until he’d finished’…  said no parent of a kid with psychomotor OE ever.

So why did it take me so long to realise that I was the one who was going to have to change?

Even six years into homeschooling, I still occasionally find myself on autopilot putting maths books on the table. Then I remember that maths happens on the floor, where my son has space to jump, roll and tickle the dogs as he works.

Tip for dealing with different learning styles

I have just one tip here, but it’s an important one:

Be willing to adapt your learning style, rather than expecting your child to do things your way.

Life’s just so much easier when we accept our kids’ quirks and stop trying to make them fit our mould.

I still struggle to concentrate when my son’s fidgeting around me, but things have been much more peaceful since I accepted that it’s even more difficult for him to focus when he’s still, than it is for me to concentrate when he’s fidgeting.

Lately we’ve been negotiating over lighting. On a dark winter’s afternoon, I can’t read without having the lights on, while my son finds overhead lights overstimulating. I may have to invest in a head torch!

My extroverted daughter, meanwhile, needs to verbalise every maths problem she tackles. I can’t hear myself think when someone else is talking, let alone follow their reasoning. This is especially true when they’re following a different mental process from mine.  I’ve learned to nod quietly along until she reaches a conclusion, then together we write out what she did in a way that my visual learning style can follow.

Of course we want our children to be able to sit still and concentrate by the time they reach adulthood.  But right now they’re using so much energy  learning to manage their OEs,  sitting still and keeping quiet is too much to ask.

So let’s grant them the grace that homeschooling affords, and let them get there in their own asynchronous way.

What are your best tips for homeschooling kids with overexcitabilities when it becomes a drag?

I’d love to hear from you!

Resources

Posts from my homeschooling blog

What do you have to show for your child’s learning? (and what to do if you think they’re not ‘producing’ enough)

25 hands-on science experiments we’ve done, with full instructions and photos

How to make sure science gets done when you’re not using a curriculum

How we do maths without a curriculum

When every day is maths playtime

5 Days of Maths Playtime

5 Writing Games Your Kids Will Love

Books

Free to Learn (Peter Gray)

Let’s Play Math (Denise Gaskins)

Living With Intensity (Daniels, Piechowski et al)

Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children and Adults  (James T Webb et al)

Loads more tips!

To read what other homeschooling mums do when homeschooling becomes a drag, visit these great GHF bloggers.

homeschooling kids with overexcitabilities

Do your children have overexcitabilities? I’d love you to join me on my journey learning how to bring out the best in our awesome sensitive and intense kiddoes. Just write your email address in the box below to receive my weekly posts direct to your inbox. You can also like Laugh, Love, Learn on Facebook.

5 Reasons I’m Glad My Sensitive, Intense Kids Aren’t Going Back to School Next Week

5 Reasons to homeschool sensitive intense kids

This photo appeared on my Instagram feed last week, captioned it “Back to school hell.”  I imagined the noise, the jostling and the hot, stuffy atmosphere as frazzled parents waited to have their kids’ feet measured.

When your child has overexcitabilities (OEs) a simple shopping trip can be a full-on sensory assault, even without the crowds. Life is a lot easier if you can visit stores when everyone else is in school.

Of course, avoiding busy shops isn’t the only reason I home-educate my intense and sensitive children. Here are a few other reasons I’m glad my kids won’t be going back to school next week:

1. I don’t have to explain my children’s complex needs to new teachers

Overexcitabilities are unheard of in most schools. I’d never heard of them either when my kids were at school, but I knew that each time my son and daughter changed classes we were in for a bumpy ride as we waited for new teachers to get them.

It started on my 4-year-old’s first day in reception. Cordie came home distraught, which surprised me as she’d always enjoyed nursery.

“Miss Bellamy made me stand in the corner because I wouldn’t put away the Barbies at tidy-up time. But I didn’t play with the Barbies. I hate Barbies! She should’ve let me tidy the dressing-up clothes.”

That night my little girl had a nightmare.

“I dreamed the Wicked Witch of the West cut off my legs and made me stand in the corner,” she sobbed.

Off I went to the school to try to explain my daughter’s profound sense of justice to a well-meaning but skeptical teacher.

My twice-exceptional son had an even bumpier ride.

After a  relatively smooth start, his teacher went on maternity leave. She was replaced by substitute teachers whose job-sharing arrangement prevented either of them from getting to know my son as anything other than a nuisance.

My kids have been homeschooled for six years now. While I still have to advocate for them, I’m deeply grateful for the freedom we have to choose coaches and tutors who understand and appreciate their intensity, and to walk away from those who don’t.

2. My kids are free to learn what, how and when they want

One of the biggest advantages of homeschooling is that non-average children don’t have to work at grade level for all their subjects.

Once they’ve mastered material, they needn’t waste time going over it until their classmates catch up. Equally, there’s no shame working on a skill they’re struggling with even if other kids their age have already mastered it. And delays in one area don’t have to impact learning elsewhere.

So instead of being held back by his difficulties with the mechanics of handwriting, my dysgraphic son can record his thoughts quickly by typing or dictating to me.

And his mild dyslexia is an opportunity for me to read aloud while my kids engage their psychomotor energies crafting, drawing or playing with magnetix. Yes, there are interruptions, usually in the form of spirited discussions about what we’re reading – or something utterly tangential –  and that’s a good thing.

3. They can play outdoors whenever they want

Everyone knows that exercise and fresh air are good for us, so I was stunned when my son was punished at school by being made to stand by the fence during playtimes. Did his teachers really think that was going to make him behave better?

Another afternoon he was told he wasn’t allowed to play in the class garden for the following three days because he refused to come inside the moment the teachers told him to.

At home my kids benefit from being able to play outside whenever they like. I admit I’ve been known to feel irritated when my son runs off to the trampoline in the middle of a maths problem. But when I look back I usually realise he’s done us both a favour.

Time out gives everyone a chance to clear their heads and return better able to focus on their learning goals.

4. Learning is flexible, quick and efficient

When my daughter gave up school to make time for her extracurricular interests she didn’t, of course, give up academic learning. In fact she probably learns more at home. Being able to work at her own pace plus not wasting time shuffling between classes means homeschooling is very time-efficient.

And if your child throws herself into her passions with the intensity of an Olympic athlete, you’ll probably both appreciate her being able to take some unscheduled downtime now and then. When you’ve spent the weekend hiking with Scouts, a lazy Monday paves the way for a much more productive week than having to get up at the crack of dawn for school.

5. We can accommodate and engage overexcitabilities

It’s difficult to learn when you’re constantly being triggered by uncomfortable sensations.

Little things like hunger, thirst or needing to use the bathroom all deplete the willpower kids need to manage their OEs.  Scratchy school clothes, the chatter of other students and the flickering of lights can all contribute to a state of overwhelm and hyper-reactivity that’s unconducive to learning.

At home, kids can wear comfy clothes and go barefoot. They can work in silence, or with the dog in their lap, or while listening to relaxing music. In this calming environment my children can channel all the good things OEs bring – intense curiosity, energy and imagination, for instance – towards their learning goals.

5 Reasons to homeschool sensitive intense kids

My friend’s photo reminded me of this picture I took shoe shopping with my kids three years ago, just after the school term started. Back then I knew nothing about OEs or why my kids were so sensitive and intense.

What I did know was that homeschooling was the right choice for us.

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Do you homeschool your children?

What are the biggest advantages for your family?

I recognise that homeschooling isn’t an option for every family. If your kids do go to school, do you have any tips about how to support them?

I’d love to hear from you. 🙂

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Extracurricular Activities for Children Who Want to Do Everything

Extracurricular Activities for children who want to do everything

“Why do you make your daughter do so many extracurricular activities?”

I nearly choked on my tea. “Is it because you feel guilty for taking her out of school?” A woman asked me this at a kids’ birthday party when my daughter was 6.

Make my daughter do extra-curricular activities? She couldn’t have got it more wrong.

My daughter had gone to a school that ran dozens of extracurricular clubs. She signed up for as many as 5-year-olds were allowed. Out of school, she wanted to do rugby, football, judo, singing, dance and drama.

If I dragged my heels finding an activity she wanted to do, my daughter would google local classes and hand me the phone. “I really want to try it, Mummy. Pleeease?”

She loved every one of her activities. But she was becoming exhausted.

It’s not that our schedule was abnormal. Several of her friends had the same busy lives. The difference was that those kids didn’t throw themselves into everything with the same intensity as my daughter.

The result? I never got to see my sweet, fun-loving girl. All her family got was the grumpy, worn out child that was left at the end of each day.

“We can’t go on like this, sweetie.” I said. “What would you like to give up?”

Cordie looked at her brother, who’d been homeschooled for a term. “Maybe I could give up school?”

Passionate about everything

From martial arts to gymnastics, through art classes, scouts, climbing, wake-boarding and ice skating, my daughter’s problem has always been fitting in everything she wants to do.

Having an introverted brother with OEs has brought even more activities along the way: my daughter goes along to keep her brother company. Then a few weeks later he drops out (or is dropped), by which time Cordie’s an enthusiastic participant in her own right!

Multi-potential and extroverted, at 12 my daughter’s showing no signs of slowing down.

Do you have a child who wants to do everything, too?

If you do, you’ll know it brings many benefits – and a few challenges, too.

The benefits of being into everything

  • I adore my daughter’s zest for life.
  • I love how her life is enriched by the enormous range of people she mixes with.
  • I’m in awe of her extraordinary physical fitness.
  • I love that she’s learning leadership and team skills.
  • And I adore that she’s spending her childhood discovering what she loves to do.

I guess I just never anticipated there’d be quite so many things she’d love to do!

The challenges of being into everything

When you have a child who wants to try – and excel at – everything, you have to:

  • Help her manage her energy.
  • Remind her she needs downtime: to cuddle pets, to read, to doodle.
  • Encourage her to leave space for spontaneous pleasures.
  • Be the (sometimes unwelcome) voice of reason, suggesting now and again that something has to give.
  • Appreciate her drive for excellence, while letting her know that it’s okay to do some things just for fun.
  • Remind her to make time to work towards her academic goals.
  • Support her as she manages her relationships. Children with emotional OE crave depth in friendships, which may be difficult to satisfy when you only see friends and acquaintances once or twice a week.
  • Balance siblings’ needs. Keep them happy if they have to go everywhere with you. Even when they’re old enough to stay home alone, you need enough time and energy to meet their needs.
  • Manage your own energy. All that chauffering can be exhausting! If you’re an introvert, try listening to audiobooks in the car together. Maintaining your personal baseline is vital when you’re parenting kids with OEs.

Supporting our children’s unique needs

If my kids weren’t so very different from one another, I might worry that I’d done something wrong to create such extreme characters.

I might have wondered if I really was ‘forcing’ my daughter to do extracurricular activities. Or I might have worried that I wasn’t exposing my son to enough opportunities.

But with just 16 months between them and an identical upbringing, my kids’ choices are plainly their own.

So wherever your kids are on the extracurricular spectrum – trust that you’re not getting it wrong.

Our children each have their own paths to forge in this world. Our job is to love unconditionally, to support when needed, and to help each child flourish as the unique individual he or she was born to be.

Extracurricular activities for children who want to do everything

Related Posts

Choosing Extracurricular Activities for Children with Overexcitabilities Finding extracurricular activities for an introverted child with intense OEs.

What’s it like being a tween with overexcitabilities? Video (and written) interview with my 12-year-old daughter in which, among other things, she talks about how much she loves her activities.

Homeschooling and Extracurricular Activities – How Much Is Too Much? A post from my homeschooling blog when my children were 8 and 9.

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Does your child want to do everything?

How do you help them find balance?

I’d love to hear from you in the comments or on the Laugh, Love, Learn Facebook page. 🙂

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I’m appreciatively linking up at Weird Unsocialized Homeschoolers Weekly Wrap-Up.

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